Those Advice given by A Dad Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the reality quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to talk between men, who continue to hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a few days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."