I Was the ‘Penis and Vagina’ Kid from the Arnold Schwarzenegger Comedy: A Candid Conversation.

The Austrian Oak is universally recognized as an Hollywood heavyweight. Yet, in the midst of his blockbuster fame in the eighties and nineties, he also delivered several genuinely hilarious comedies. Chief among them is Kindergarten Cop, which celebrates its three-and-a-half decade milestone this December.

The Role and An Iconic Moment

In the classic film, Schwarzenegger embodies a hardened detective who goes undercover as a schoolteacher to catch a killer. Throughout the film's runtime, the investigation plot functions as a loose framework for Arnold to have charming moments with his young class. The most unforgettable features a child named Joseph, who spontaneously rises and informs the former bodybuilder, “Males have a penis, females have a vagina.” Schwarzenegger replies icily, “Thanks for the tip.”

That iconic child was brought to life by child star Miko Hughes. In addition to this part included a recurring role on Full House as the bully to the famous sisters and the pivotal role of the youngster who comes back in the screen translation of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. Hughes remains active today, with a slate of movies listed on his IMDb. Additionally, he engages with fans at fan conventions. Recently discussed his memories from the filming of the classic over three decades on.

Memories from the Set

Question: Starting off, how old were you when you filmed Kindergarten Cop?

Miko Hughes: I think I was four. I was the smallest of all the kids on set.

Wow, I can't remember being four. Do you remember anything from that time?

Yeah, a little bit. They're brief images. They're like visual recollections.

Do you recall how you were cast in Kindergarten Cop?

My mother, mainly would bring me to auditions. Often it was a mass tryout. There'd be 20, 30 kids and we'd all patiently queue, be seen, be in there for a very short time, do whatever little line they wanted and that was it. My parents would coach me on the dialogue and then, as soon as I could read, that was the initial content I was reading.

Do you have an impression of meeting Arnold? What was your impression of him?

He was extremely gentle. He was fun. He was good-natured, which arguably makes sense. It would be strange if he was a dick to all the kids in the classroom, that surely wouldn't foster a good work environment. He was a joy to have on set.

“It would be strange if he was unpleasant to all the kids in the classroom.”

I understood he was a major movie star because my family informed me, but I had barely seen his movies. I sensed the excitement — like, that's cool — but he wasn't scary to me. He was simply playful and I just wanted to play with him when he wasn't busy. He was occupied, of course, but he'd occasionally joke around here and there, and we would hang off of his arms. He'd tense up and we'd be holding on. He was incredibly giving. He bought every kid in the classroom a personal stereo, which at the time was like an iPhone. It was the coolest device, that funky old yellow cassette player. I played the Power Rangers soundtrack and the Ninja Turtles soundtrack for a long time on that thing. It finally gave out. I also have a genuine metal whistle. He had the coach whistle, and the kids all received one too as well.

Do you remember your time filming as being enjoyable?

You know, it's interesting, that movie became a phenomenon. It was a huge film, and it was an incredible opportunity, and you would think, in retrospect, I would want my memories to be of collaborating with Schwarzenegger, the legendary director, visiting Astoria, being on a professional set, but my memories are of being a selective diner at lunch. For example, they got everyone pizza, but I didn't even like pizza. All I would eat was the meat from the top. Then, the Nintendo Game Boy was new. That was the hot thing, and I was proficient. I was the smallest kid and some of the bigger kids would bring me their Game Boys to beat difficult stages on games because I was able to, and I was quite pleased with myself. So, it's all youthful anecdotes.

The Infamous Moment

OK, the penis and vagina line, do you remember the context? Did you grasp the meaning?

At the time, I probably didn't know what the word provocative meant, but I knew it was provocative and it made adults laugh. I understood it was kind of something I wasn't supposed to do, but I was given special permission in this case because it was comedic.

“She really wrestled with it.”

How it was conceived, from what I understand, was they were still developing characters. Some character lines were established early on, but once they had the kids together, it wasn't necessarily improv, but they worked on it while filming and, reportedly someone in charge came to my mom and said, "We're thinking. We want Miko to say this. Are you okay with this?" My mom didn't agree right away. She said, "Let me think about it, I'll decide tomorrow" and took a short while. It was a tough call for her. She said she was hesitant, but she felt it would likely become one of the most memorable lines from the movie and her instinct was correct.